first and foremost happy birthday paula, i love you dearly...
and now for something completely different...
ok so how do i feel today? hmmm i feel like i feel everyday i feel like 2 different people i mean i am closer to feeling like the person on the inside but i am also so very scared about life. i mean i grew up a very anti-social kid, no friends, no family, just a scared little boy that was not a liked child, and know i am trying so very hard to live as a woman would and i have no idea how to do this. i feel rushed to fit in to a norm that i dont understand its like i told paula natural woman have the benefit of enviornment and social order that helps them grow up acting naturally but for me i was not alowed feminen thought or actions for fear of being beaten by my dad.
so im not complaining its just a musing on how i feel. incomplete....
i think the hardest part for me to deal with is the fact i have no trans friends to learn with and talk to about these things...
on a side note i really am disappointed in the so called lgb leadership in this country they forget that it is lgbT not lgb(no T), come on guys we have backed you every step of the way and yet you as a group continue to ignore trans rights while you beg us for dadt and marriage support.
why dont hrc and the like do something for us how about insurance rights for starters, then come ask for dadt and doma help....
any woo ill be around later
rayna
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
jue 16 2010
well my first blog! what shall we discuss?
work is going fine and i like my job but i really wish i didnt have to sit by people or person in peticular, oh and by the way i work for AAA as a ers call reciever so its always a joy..lmao
oh and i get married this friday to paula and i really cant wait, i mean she has stood beside me for years and never waivered and i do feel like i owe her alot, but it all comes down to the fact that i do love her and really dont want anyone else.
as far as my transitioning is going i started hrt in sep 09 and i have changed so much, but mostly its mental and emotional, of course my features are massivly differant but i find my thinking is 180 degrees diff.
for example i used to think about sex all the time now i dont, i now notice smaller things about myself and i have become absolutely vain and thats is more than normal vanity.
i do stress alot about my change and coming up with the financial side but it will work out in time, i guess. i mean aaa is working to get me insurance and i will win the lotto one day (yea right).......
i am also spending a few days in san fran this august at the home office for a diversity summitt and i am so amped up for that it has always been a dream to see san fran and now i get to and i dont have to pay for it..lmao
ok so enough of the updates thats about all for now more later i guess, unless you have questons? no ok have a great day
kisses Rayna
work is going fine and i like my job but i really wish i didnt have to sit by people or person in peticular, oh and by the way i work for AAA as a ers call reciever so its always a joy..lmao
oh and i get married this friday to paula and i really cant wait, i mean she has stood beside me for years and never waivered and i do feel like i owe her alot, but it all comes down to the fact that i do love her and really dont want anyone else.
as far as my transitioning is going i started hrt in sep 09 and i have changed so much, but mostly its mental and emotional, of course my features are massivly differant but i find my thinking is 180 degrees diff.
for example i used to think about sex all the time now i dont, i now notice smaller things about myself and i have become absolutely vain and thats is more than normal vanity.
i do stress alot about my change and coming up with the financial side but it will work out in time, i guess. i mean aaa is working to get me insurance and i will win the lotto one day (yea right).......
i am also spending a few days in san fran this august at the home office for a diversity summitt and i am so amped up for that it has always been a dream to see san fran and now i get to and i dont have to pay for it..lmao
ok so enough of the updates thats about all for now more later i guess, unless you have questons? no ok have a great day
kisses Rayna
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